Poetry in the land of my life
December 7, 2009 in Poetry, read write poem | Tags: RWP
of her salty sea.
your tongue, clumsy
seeks out the
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December 10, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I really like how the size of the poem with its miniature, delicate stanzas and turn from first to second fits the small, exquisite subject of the poem. The one word “sea” is enough to neatly expand the poem’s territory of love to an implicitly colossal scale, as love deserves.
December 11, 2009 at 1:44 am
I was wondering if anyone would use the oyster or the salty sea.
Good for you. Well done.
December 11, 2009 at 3:15 am
David is correct about your poem being limited in it’s space and expansive like the sea, at the same time. This is very expressive and sensuous. Thank you for sharing!
December 11, 2009 at 3:55 am
Thank you all for your kind comments. I wanted to move away from flowers…so I went straight to the sea.
December 11, 2009 at 5:15 am
Julie Jordan Scott
the tongue may be clumsy and yet – is working it. Gratitude – for the thought and your words.
December 11, 2009 at 6:13 am
I’m looking at the adjectives in that first (“her”) stanza: gentle; plump; opaque; pink; savory; salty. As opposed to a single adjective in the second (“your”) stanza: clumsy. That seems like a description of an experience out-of-balance, except when you consider verbs, of which the first stanza has none other than the passive, adjectival “surrounded by,” while the second has “seek out.” So maybe it isn’t quite so imbalanced an experience after all. :)
Amazing what you’ve done in so few words.
December 11, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Ahhh this is fantastic! Just 21 words and each works magnificently to convey the overall feeling! The overall feeling being.. raw, extremely sexy, honest, so many other things. Its amazing to me that just three words, “the pearl within”, can create such a vivid image in my mind. I feel I know exactly what you are trying to say. I also liked the word “clumsy”. Again, its honest and I can appreciate that. So well done. Perhaps my favorite for the week.
December 11, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Short and succinct.
December 11, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Thank you! Malpeques are my fav oysters and I just couldn’t resist!
December 21, 2009 at 5:12 am
Yes, yes, very potent and sensual in so few words. Nicely done.
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